Happy Thanksgiving

Just wanted to say Happy Turkey Day to all, and say that I'm thankful for my health, my family, and my testimony. It carries me through my day-to-day and my calling keeps it fresh. So I guess I'm thankful for my calling as well. Hope you day is full of things to be thankful for.

Be Still My Soul

Today was truly a challenge. I spent the better part of my day trying to work through my mounting frustration with my bosses, and the branches who support us. I really struggled with my mounting urge to hit something. I'm just having a really hard time with dealing with a team leader who acts in a totally different manor when my team leader is around, than she does when he's gone, and I don't like the treatment she gives to our team when our leader is away. I was so angry that I barely made it out without bursting into tears.
BB is working right into the terrible two's and I'm very grateful for one of my LDS knitting blog friends. She posted a link to a page of a man who writes extremely well on many topics, including how to train children to behave in sacrament meeting. Well, I've had to employ the tactics that he recommended now, several times. Today, BB had a raging fit, and I had to hold him until he calmed down which wasn't for about 15 minutes. He cried and struggled, and raged, and so on. I tried to stay calm and kiss his forehead and tell him that when he calmed down, he'd get down. I really started to think that we were at a stand still, but just then I started to hum my favorite hymn, "Be Still My Soul". It amazes me sometimes, the power of a simple hymn, but doesn't it say somewhere that a hymn is a prayer in song? I hadn't finished the first verse before he finally settled down, and I was able to put down a contented happy baby. What simple, powerful message it is that is contained in that song, that was able to calm a small child so quickly.

1 Nephi, ch 16

Just a little blast from the past. I remember waking up after a particularly difficult night where I had to take Baby Boy down stairs and hand him to his daddy... It's hard to believe now that he was ever that size.
But down to business! Today for FHE, The Boy and I walked with BB down to the library and turned in some stuff, and took more stuff out. We came home and ate dinner, and then read 1 Nephi, chapter 16. It was nice to be back in the action after so much prophecy stuff.
So the family picks up and moves on in the wilderness with the Liahona to guide them. I didn't remember this the first time I read it over, but when TB and I got to the part where Nephi breaks his bow and they go hungry for a day or so, we were truly shocked to see that even Lehi started to complain against God, and only Nephi stays true and faithful at that time. It's a dark time for him. His brothers and brothers-in-law are complaining and his wife, and her sisters are trying to get them to go back. Ismael dies during this tough time and it's almost too much for his daughters to bare at that time. They are alone, other than their husbands, and siblings, with no friends and no modern conveniences and they're hungry. Now they've lost their father and the grief must be more than they can take. It's at this time that Nephi calls on his faith to talk to his father and the rest to call them to repentance. They discover the "secret" of the Liahona, where as it will only work as long as they have faith, and then only to the degree of that faith. Lehi asked forgiveness of the Lord, and was chastised by the voice of God. Afterwards, Nephi makes a new bow and asks the Lord where to go to find animals to hunt. Then he goes back to camp with plenty of food, everyone is happy again, and all is well... for a while.
This is a running theme in the early chapters of the BofM. Laman and Lemuel started to work up the sons of Ishmael. They tell them how they should kill Lehi and Nephi, and go back to Jerusalem. They deny the spiritual experiences that they have had in the past. They hear the voice of God and they see an angel, but they ignore all that over their hurt pride that their little brother is the ruler over them. Keep in mind here that the sons of Ishmael have not had these experiences. They have be going on pure faith and trust in the will of their own father, so when the brothers of Nephi start up with these lies, they naturally fall in. Their brothers-on-law try to paint a picture that Nephi is leading them out into the wilderness to set himself up as a king over them. It's at this time that the Lord takes over, and squashes their plans. "The Lord came and did speak many words unto them, and did chasten them exceedingly" After this, the repent and the Lord blesses them again with food. This won't be the last time that they ignore all the personal interactions with God and try to go against his will. Kind of makes you wonder what it is in a person that can make them deny the truth so much, even when it's right there in their faces.

Signs of the Second Coming, Lesson 41

No, this is not one of the signs...

Today was another touch lesson. There is so much that can be covered and so little time to do it in. When I was about 10, I remember watching The Omen with my mom. It made me wonder what everything was about, (and I still don't quite know why all the end-of-the-world stuff is always being battled out by Catholics and Priests and Nuns, but what ever), and I went to my room and pulled out the Bible, and turned right to the book of Revelations. Lets just say that I was in no way prepared for that I found written in there, and was scared to death! Was I really going to have to be baptized by fire? Would there really be a giant beast who comes with several heads? I had no idea that the words within were metaphors for what was actually to come.
It was with this in mind, that I tried to teach this lesson today. We covered the scarier of the signs first, as it's listed in the book, and I made sure to try to stress the point that we may not personally be affected by these happenings but we'll surely see them and it still can be frightening, but if we're trying our best to be physically and spiritually ready, we have nothing to fear.
We did spend the majority of the time covering the more joyous signs of Jesus' coming, like the restoration of the Gospel and the teaching of the Gospel to all peoples in their native language. However, it strikes me how little some members know or seem to understand. How is it that some who are raised in the church and have always had these teachings in their lives, could understand so little? It seems impossible that a person who has been married in the temple, would not grasp the concept of what it means to be prepared. But maybe that's partly due to the very general nature of some of out study materials. Perhaps its that the lessons cover the very basic points, and it's left to the rest of us to study, and ponder the lessons before we go in to teach them, hoping that the Spirit will guide us in the direction that will best help our students to learn. And perhaps that's not always the way things are done. What ever the reason, it seems to me that it shouldn't be this way. And maybe that's my own ignorance, thinking that years in the church translate to a perfect knowledge and understanding of it's principals. I guess that shows that all of us, no matter how we look to the outside world, have our struggles and trials of faith, and that if we keep these close to our hearts all the time, instead of sharing them, it leads us all to feel alone. Like we're the only ones in the ward who are struggling with something and that there's something wrong with us. I think we're afraid to show the darker side in fear that we will be judged by everyone who we see as so much more perfect than we are. But I've always respected those who have shared their own failings, because it humanizes them, and makes me feel like I, too, can get to where they are.
On that page, I am not fully prepared. I don't have our 72 hour kits together. I don't have our food storage. I am struggling just to keep food in the house and lights on at this time. It's not easy on my income and my husband's money goes to his education, which is our top priority for now. I have been doing my best just to pay my tithing every pay period, and have yet to pay a fast offering. I just never have it to give after paying what I can on the bills, putting gas in the car, and buying groceries. I still can't seem to work in family prayer, and family scripture reading into my daily routine, and I haven't fit in the solitary scripture study either. The most I've been able to work in is daily personal prayer, usually in the morning, in the car on the way home, and right before my head hits the pillow at night. I still miss coffee in the fall, and sometimes I miss having a little Irish Cream in my hot chocolate. I have thoughts that are less than Christian almost every day. Why am I putting all this out there? Because I want to let everyone know that they're not the only one, even if they think they are. I was a member of the church for 7 years before I was ready in any way to enter the temple. I have made some big mistakes in my life, both before and after my baptism, and I've straightened myself out for the most part. And I know that Heavenly Father loves me and is just as proud of me as if I'd never made a mistake, ever. And the point of this? To say that I may not be as prepared physically, but I'd like to think that I'm doing my part to make sure that I'm ready spiritually for the Savior's return.
It's not about having done everything that the scriptures tell us to do. It's about making our best effort to do what we're capable of doing, in our time and moving constantly forward. If you are a new member, and haven't gotten to the Temple yet and Jesus was to show up tomorrow, I don't think he would hold it against you. I think that we are responsible for doing what we know we should, as we learn what those things are, and are able to do so. Just strive to move forward, and (this is just my opinion) I believe that Heavenly Father will be satisfied with that. I don't expect Baby Boy to read yet, but I do expect him to be able to do so in the next 4-5 years. As long as he progresses toward that goal, I will be just fine with it. I don't expect The Boy to be able to do Algebra, but in the next few years, he should be able to and I expect him to do so. I do expect him to be able to handle the work that is put before him that is age appropriate and I think that our Heavenly Father thinks of things the same with us. So do that which you are capable of doing, and strive to be able to do more, and if Jesus comes and catches you doing it, I think you'll be just fine.

halloween costumes

The Boy is a phantom, and Baby Boy is a monkey. He did great for his first time out trick-or-treating, and even though he got wiped out pretty quickly by all the stairs he had to climb to get to the candy, he still made out great because big brother made sure to grab candy for him from every house.

the light before my eyes

BB hates the flash of the camera, and this is the resultant photos that we end up with most of the time.
Yesterday we went out for our costumes, and to get TB a pair of sneakers as he's fast outgrown his shoes this summer. Talk about seeing the light! He's in a men's 8 now. That's equal to a women's 10. That's what I wear. He's only 10. Are you following me on this? His father said "he's going to be a monster!" and I just wanted to either go somewhere to cry, or just die and get it over with.
Funny how little time we get with our children while they're little. Time slips away so quickly that it's like you blink and it's a whole new week. We have so little time to prepare them for their missions, and for temple marriage. And before you know it if you're not careful time will have gone out and your life is over. Have you managed your time well? Have you finished all o the work that you were sent here for? If you haven't, then this is where family history, genealogy, and temple work come in.
I haven't been lucky enough to have the time or means to research my family. My mom has put in about 500 hours on her own and traced my family back 15+ generations. I haven't been able to get the names temple ready yet, but I have been able to do some temple work for a couple other sisters who's family submitted their names. The first sister waited 300 years for her work to be done. It felt so special to be there fulfilling her hope after such a long wait. And how much better will it be when the sister's work that I do is my own?
All this from a size 8 shoe.

Law of Chastity

Today I covered the always controversial Law of Chastity. Its a touchy subject and the one thing that tends to scare off investigators the most. It was the one commandment that I struggled with the most when I was contemplating becoming a member, and the one I struggled with just after my baptism. I didn't really have the grasp of the law and its purpose that I have now, and I broke it not long after my baptism. I had struggle after struggle enter my life at that time, and I swear that as soon as the act was done, I literally felt the Holy Spirit leave me. I was in tears after and I knew that I had done something that I was going to have to work very hard to recover from. I know now that I had set my own spiritual growth back several years and cheated myself out of the countless blessings that Heavenly Father had in place for me.
I was stuck in the mindset that most young women are living under. If i didn't have sex, then my boyfriend who I loved wouldn't stay...or so I thought. I was afraid to trust in the Lord that it would be okay, that I would be okay. So I gave in, and paid dearly for it. Fast forward many years full of struggle, adversity and heartache later, and I finally decided to live the principals that I promised I would at my baptism. I cut off all sexual relations from my boyfriend (same one), and started going back to Sacrament Meetings. I prayed and decided that I wanted to ready myself for the temple. After 6 month of regular attendance of sacrament meetings, prayer, repenting and living the covenants that I had made, I went to my Bishop to council with him. I confessed my wrong doings, and he advised me as to the Lord's will for me. I moved forward, knowing that I had been forgiven and from that time forward, I did my best to live the law of chastity. I dressed modestly, and made sure not to put myself in positions that could tempt me beyond my ability to resist. When my boyfriend and I started to talk again after our breakup, (just about the time that I went back to the Gospel) I decided that I would show more respect for myself by telling him that I would only date him again if he was willing to date within the law of chastity that I was bound to, and only if he planned on marrying me. If not, I wasn't interested. To my surprise, he agreed, and we were married 3 months later. He loved me, and it was my own fear that kept me from following that commandment earlier. It might have been different if I'd had that courage before. Before I chose a man over God, and lost both. When I finally chose God first over all else, he gave me the man too.
It's tough to cover this lesson with a group of strangers. It's even tougher when some of the more active members have issue with the weight of this sin in the eyes of Heavenly Father. Its considered the worst sin one can commit, second only to murder. When I was asked about this, (and I'm in no way the expert) I gave the example from my own life and how I found myself a mother before I was ready for that type of responsibility. I told about the adversity that I had to face, and how I was too busy trying to provide physically for my son to have the time to see to his emotional and spiritual need. I said that I believe that God organized families as the way for his children to be brought into this world to learn and grow, and how much of a disadvantage they are at compared to their brothers and sisters who are privileged to be born into the family structure. I talked about how this sin leads to other, greater sins. It seems to me that this one touches so many areas of our growth and development that if we break it, we throw off so much. So much to fix. And that is why it carries so much weight. One of the Elders said that its one of the things that you take, but can't give back. Murder takes a life and you can't give it back or fix it no matter how much you say your sorry. Breaking the law of chastity involves you and the other party who you have helped to commit a great sin, and you can't take that sin back from them or fix the damage that you have done to them or yourself.
I didn't get to cover all of the important points as there were children in class for some reason, but I did my best. I pressed on the point that there is forgiveness for those of us who have broken this law, but that it's not easy. I said that I was an example of this forgiveness, having finally made it to the temple this March. I begged the class to read this at home to get what I didn't have time for, or couldn't cover for the sake of children in the room.
This is the first time I've ever told anyone about that part of my life. I felt compelled by the spirit to share it because I wanted my new members and investigators to know that no matter what state they might currently be in, it can be fixed. They, too, can make it to the temple and start fresh, and have all the blessings that our Father has in store for us.