it lives!

let me first apologize for my long absence. i've started school and i've been doing a whole lot of knitting, as well as toddler wrangling.
while i've been away there have been some exciting developments in my home. my husband has been taking discussions with the missionaries and has attended sacrament meeting for the last 4 weeks. to cap it off, he attended the priesthood session of general conference at the invitation of the missionaries. he had a powerful experience there and they invited him to be baptized. he said that he would think about it and agreed to pray on it. he said that he wanted to make sure that he was making the right decision and ready for it. i have never felt more joy in my home than i did tonight and i know that God answers prayers because i begged him to work a miracle and allow him to feel something powerful enough that he could have no doubts that He was answering his prayers. He did. and now I just pray that he will decide that baptism is in his best interest.

tough decisions

i've been facing some delimas in my work life these days. i've found myself in position to have to place a call to HR regarding a major change to our policy and proceedure, which was not made known to the team. i have felt lately that my department is swirling the drain, and that i've been put in a position to have to be a double agent, pretending to be a confidant to my co-workers but reporting everything i see and hear to the team leaders. i've decided that unless there is a major issue, i won't do it. not at all. it's just against my beliefs to behave in such a way. and now that this major change has taken place, which will affect our department's payouts, i had no choice but to get HR involved.
i'm afraid of reprocussions but i just didn't have a choice in the matter. so i called my employee relations rep, and faxed her a copy of the old P&P and a new P&P so that she can compare the two. now, this leads to my next issue. i confided in a person who i've considered a good friend, and someone who i could trust. but today i spoke to a co-worker who said that a conversation that she and i had on the way into the building on tuesday was reported to her team leader by my friend. it was said that she was talking negatively about the department (which we weren't) and i never expected that from her. now i have to wonder if i'll be having the same conversation with my teamleader when he comes back from PTO on monday. i wonder how much of my other conversations with her were repeated and how much i can actually trust her. the worse my department gets, the fewer people i can confide in and the lonelier it is. the more depressed i become. the more it interfers with my personal life, and my callings. the more i pray that another job within the company will present itself so that i can get off the ship with the rats before it goes down.

Great and terrible day

Today I was planning on writing a post about 1st Nephi, ch 17 which was wonderful. the boys and i read it at the end of our family home evening. but i checked my email before that, and heard about the passing of President Gordon B. Hinckley yesterday. It is both a great and terrible day today.
it is interesting that he passed on Sunday, the Lord's day of rest. He went to his rest after having lived a good life, and leading this church for many years. he is the only Prophet that i have ever known during my time as a member of the church. it is a great day because he is with his loving wife, friends, and Creator now. his earthly worries and troubles are over. it is terrible because we will grieve our loss. we will miss him and his gentle way. he was quiet, but powerful. the first time i ever heard him speak in real time at a conference talk, i was so overcome by the Spirit that i could hardly breath and felt as though i would pass out. but i made it through, and i knew that he was truly the prophet of God. it is because of that experience that i know that we are in the safe, capable hands of the Apostles and God's work will not skip a beat while the 70, and the 12 do what they need to, to be inspired by Heavenly Father to name the new Prophet. and we will continue to do our work, and we will pray, and we will wait.

Testamony of a father

Today in Sacrament meeting, one of our Brothers gave a talk which shared some letters that his father had written to him while he was out serving a mission in Spain. His father was not a member of the church at the time, but he was serving a mission and had two younger brothers taking institute classes, which his father drove them to. He ended up going into the classes with them after breaking his toe, and no longer being able to walk around the building while he waited. He also had a few spiritual experiences and he knew that the church was true but needed something before he could commit.
This brother started his talk by saying that he normally goes into preparing a talk, hoping that he will reach someone in the crowd but always comes out knowing that it was he that needed to be reached by the topic. Well, today he reached me. And as I sat in the meeting, weeping uncontrollably and clutching my sons close to me, I felt so much joy! I realized that Heavenly Father was answering my prayers in this talk. I realized that this child that sat next to me (my oldest child), long and awkward, was sent here to save me and his father. He led me to search for God when I was still carrying him in my womb, and I realized today that when he goes out and serves his mission, that he may well be the catalyst that finally brings his father into the church. And that is my greatest wish and prayer.

Gospel principals lesson 3

Have you missed me? Well, here are a few cutie baby photos to make up for my long absence.

Anyway, today i read over chapter 3 Jesus Christ, our chosen leader and savior. And just as i was typing this, i realized that "chosen" is not a word that our leaders used by accident or coincidence. We had a council in Heaven to decide how to set plan our next step in our goal to become like our Heavenly Father. In this council, we had two of our brothers come forward and volunteer for the job. We listened to the plans that each presented and by a majority vote, we "chose" Jesus to be our Savior. We chose him. i never thought about it like that before.
In my previous life as a Protestant, (and i still don't know exactly what that means), I sort of thought of my salvation as "out of my hands" and felt more like i was along for the ride. then i found the church and i learned that i was a willing participant in my salvation. i agreed with my Heavenly Father that i needed to grow more, and couldn't do so unless i left his presence. (i tell my students every time i get the chance that this life is like going off to college.) i know now that i casted my vote for Jesus to come and pave the way for me to return to my heavenly father. i know now that he is literally my big brother, and having two son's of my own (and watching them interact with each other), i have been able to see the sibling relationship in person and i know now that there is nothing that my oldest son wouldn't do for his brother. that is how much Jesus loves me and why he was able to go through everything he went through, for me.
i say again, that if we are here on earth right now, then we know that we chose for Jesus to be our savior and we sided with the Lord when the War in Heaven broke out. we know that we made the right choice once. we just have to trust in the Holy Spirit to guide us to continue making the right choices.

PS-
thank you for the comment, Chloe. i haven't been able to reach you, or post a comment on your blog and i hope that you'll email me with your email address so i can keep in touch.