This weekend was the General Conference, (for anyone who didn't know) and I missed the entire Saturday session as usual. I have worked every Saturday since I was 18 years old. I tried to stream the audio and video at work, but it's blocked by the company. I also pulled up the site so that The Boy could watch the Saturday session at home while I was at work, but he couldn't get it to play, and instead of asking his dad for help like I told him to, he just said that it wouldn't play and my husband "assumed that it wasn't supported by mac". So, the best laid plans...
Today I didn't get to see the first hour of the first session because it's Sunday and my husband is in a Fantasy Football league. He spent the entire time on the computer looking at Yahoo sports. Lucky for me, he went to a buddy's house to watch the game so I was able to have the computer, and the house to myself. Nothing really went as I had hoped, but it seemed to work out just the same.
I had hoped that TB would watch Saturday, and that I would get out of work on time, an be able to catch the last part of the afternoon session live. That didn't happen. Because I worked so late on Friday, TB went to spend the night with his grandparents on Saturday instead of the planned Friday and so he missed the larger part of the Sunday sessions too. After I finally got my husband away from the computer, I was able to watch the last half of the early session, and caught a wonderful talk by the General Relief Society President. She talked about the role of "mothers who know" and how we teach our children that's important, and how "home making" plays a large roll in who our children turn out to be. It teaches them order, and the value of family, and how to provide a warm, loving environment, and how all of this is crucial to the development of strong, self confident children.
What stood out most of what she said was that mothers who know, learn to be content to live on less, and to focus more on doing what will allow us to spend more quality time with our children and families, and less focus on the "things of the world". They don't get caught up in the rat race, trying to buy and have, and get, and do. They don't forget that what their children need more than a big house and fancy clothes are parents who care and spend time with them. This got me thinking about my own situation where I find myself at a cross road. My husband is going to graduate from NE Tech in February with a degree in web design. They have job placement and I feel pretty secure in saying that he will be working by the Spring. I'm climbing the corporate ladder at work, and find myself in a position of middle management. I go back and forth about whether or not I should take a leave of absence from my job until my baby is ready for school, or if I should just keep pressing onward towards a Team Leader position that I seem so close to.
I've prayed on this, and until today I felt like I should stay at work, and keep pressing forward toward my goal. I realized that we could afford a home much faster and I could have a new car, and I could finally have my food storage, and 72 hour kits that I worry at night over not being able to provide at this time. I could knit anything I want and not have to substitute clearly inferior quality yarn because I can't afford what the garment is actually knit from. I could buy the new clothes that I so desperately need. We could get that new t.v. to replace the one that we've had for 11 years that's on the fritz. The list goes on. But today I watched that talk and I realized that if my husband gets a job making what we are told he can earn, that we can still afford a home, and if we're frugal, I can stop working even if for only a short time, and be home with my children. I could get TB to his scouting meetings, and attend my own Enrichment meetings. Maybe I could even go back to school and get my degree so that when I'm ready to go back to work, I won't have to start off back at the bottom again. My husband is afraid that I'll lose all the momentum that I've gained, and I worry about this too, but after today I realize that there are more important things and that even though I may not do it right away, I now plan to leave my job to be home with my family after my husband gets settled into his job. Especially with the way that my current job has been taking away from my family.
So, back to the day. I fell asleep on the couch between sessions and missed the first hour of the afternoon session. Then my boys both came home and and I got the baby up. I pulled up the rest of the session, made TB sit in front of the computer to listen, got dinner on, and sat down to hear the rest of the conference live. My husband was present for the first time ever. I had hoped that he would "accidentally" hear the entire thing, both days worth, but this was better than nothing. The talk was about choosing the greater things over the good things and making priority in our life. It talked about father's responsibility to their family, and about not over scheduling the children or ourselves. It talked about eating dinner together as a family and how kids do better in school and avoid drugs and alcohol if they eat dinner with their families. That is the one thing we probably struggle with most, as my husband is out the door on the way to school when we're getting ready to eat so we don't get to do that very often. We get so used to not eating together that when the opportunity presents, we overlook it. Well, today I decided that I wanted to eat at the table. I made dinner. I put our plates on the table, and had TB bless the food. We made BB wait until after the blessing to eat even though he was fussing and hungry. I told TB that it was how he would learn what was expected of him, and to pray through the crying. We did, and BB quieted down and ate when it was time to do so. My husband wasn't hungry because he had eaten when he came home from being out, so I asked him to feed BB so I could eat. And he did, at the table with the rest of us, away from the t.v. with the game on. That was something! And I could see the small difference made by him just being with in ear shot of the conference talks.
Tomorrow, we're going to do our FHE a little early as he has somewhere to go in the evening. He's been great about participating in some sort of family activity when he's home for FHE. It's a small step, but one in the right direction. I'll keep praying, and I'll keep posting so my few friends who read this will be able to witness God's hand in this.